Teach your kids that it’s okay to be a little different
When Harvey was in kindergarten he came home sad every day starting the second week of school. He cried at night and told me he “wanted to die.” He was sad because the one friend he had from preschool found new friends and told him he didn’t want to play with him anymore. He quite often told him to “go away.” I’ve seen this kid ignore and blow him off even now when he says hi to him. I bought him a kitten to help and we just kept loving him at home. We encouraged him to find new friends and to keep being kind. Being mean is easy but being nice when someone is mean, that’s the hard part.
First grade has not been much easier. Especially because he goes to latchkey with older kids. He thought he had a new friend again but is now told to “shut up, and “go away” any time he tries to play. Any of you who know Harvey know he makes an “eeeeeeee” sound when he is really focused or excited. This is his stim. It’s his happy place. None of the kids understand it and I’m not allowed in the school to help them too. Many adults also don’t understand it and often tell him to quiet down or to stop. Craig and I have never made him stop because it’s part of who he is and how he processes things. He came home crying today because I picked him up from latchkey too early and it was gym playtime. He was crying because this is the time he is able to watch the kids play and have fun and I was taking that away from him. Per Harvey’s point of view, he is not invited or welcomed to play himself and told to “shut up” and “go away.” He is also not very coordinated unless he’s on his 4 wheeler. In this gym time, he can watch them play and be happy together and that makes him happy. He would be much happier if he could play too. If someone invited him to be on their team he would hold onto that joy for days.
I can’t go to the school and help him. I can’t hold his hand forever. My kid and many like him just want a friend.
Harvey is social but not always well received by other kids.
Today I told him he has autism. I told him all of the wonderful things we have learned about it and how brilliant he is. He told his dad tonight before bed that he has a gift from God and he was going to “share it with everyone.” He didn’t want to share it like share the news. He wanted to share a piece of his cool gift. He was also going to tell the latchkey teacher he has autism so she can tell all of the “mean kids.”He’s hoping other kids can understand and accept him too. When we were talking about it I saw his little lightbulb go on and he stopped blinking. I think he realized some new things too.
I never wanted him to be defined by the word autism or held back by it. I didn’t know how or when I would tell him. I really hoped I would never have to and he would just blend in easily. Due to his early struggles, it’s time he understands that little thing that makes him a little different. He’s got more friends that are teachers than kids at this point. These stories are coming from his perspective so maybe things are a little different but in case they aren’t .....
Teach your kids to be kind.
Teach your kids to be inclusive.
Teach your kids that it’s okay to be a little different.
Jessica DeRuiter